Let’s take a trip back in time, shall we?
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Today is the day I’m going off the pill. I told my dear husband (DH) of one month, “OK, so, I’m not taking my pill today. I’m officially off birth control. You OK with that?” (I won’t lie, I was hoping that he would have doubts. I mean, we talked about it. It really was the impetus for us getting married.) He didn’t have doubts. I was still kind of shitting myself. (Are we really doing this?? Am I really going to push a baby out my vag? This is nuts!!) But in the great words of my Grandma Fait: “Shit or get off the pot!” And I’m 38.5 and it’s time to shit. If we’re going to do this, we have to do it yesterday. (Never mind that we just got married 3 weeks ago and are still figuring out this marriage thing.)
I’m talking to myself in my head a lot lately. My inner cheerleader: “You’ll be fine. In fact, you’ll be a great mom! And you’ll love it. It won’t be as exhausting, financially draining or unfun as everyone makes it seem! It’ll be cool!” I’m afraid to voice these doubts because I don’t want DH to think I really don’t want kids (I do, don’t I? How do you really know??) And I know I’ll put him through enough hell once the deed is done, so why torture him now with doubt? (We don’t have enough money. Our jobs aren’t stable. We don’t have enough space in this apartment…)
OK, shut up. Let’s do this. Let’s make a baby.