Halfway There

Friday, February 17

Twenty weeks. I am five months along in this 10-month journey. Halfway there! That is crazy! (I’m not gonna lie. There are days where I feel like I’m still shitting myself.) The baby is about 6 inches long, about the length of a banana, and approximately 10.5 ounces. I started to feel her move this week too. It sort of feels like a twitchy nerve, just some light tapping. I can sometimes push in my belly and feel something back. Freaky!

Although I think I look like I’m obviously pregnant, I’m still not at the stage where people exclaim, “Oh, my God, when are you due?” when they see me. No one says anything really, they just glance at my gut and look away quickly. I think they just think I’m getting fat. Sigh … I look forward to when I’m out of this stage. Stupid vanity. I’m two pounds away from my heaviest weight ever, which I will more than surpass.

But in terms of how I feel, I feel less pregnant now than ever. My boobs still hurt, but not nearly like they used to. And I can sort of forget that I’m pregnant, until I catch a glimpse of the bowling ball, that is. And my balance is a little off. I keep running into furniture and boxes and feeling like I can easily topple. I feel good though. Getting more energy and feeling mostly like myself again. I’m trying to enjoy this stage because I hear it’s the best one.

We got the best Valentine’s Day gift ever on Tuesday. Our doctors called with the results of the amnio. She doesn’t have Downs. Yay! Whew. Now I can exhale and actually begin to enjoy this.

My 72-year-old mother sent me a box of handmade baby stuff. Tiny booties, a bonnet, a cross-stitched bib, a beautiful blanket, a teddy bear made from yarn and a little lamb. I’ve watched her knit/crochet these things my whole life, admiring her crafty skills, and now I get my own for my little girl. She wrote a note: “Every day I thinkof you and the baby-to-be. So, since I cannot be there with you, I decided to make some things for “our” baby. When you cover her with the blanket, just know Gramma’s hugs and kisses are chrocheted in. So every time, she gets a hug and kiss from me.” Awww… sniff, sniff.

Awwww....

For the first time in my life, I wish I had family nearby. We’re really on our own here. DH’s father and stepmother are in Washington. His mother is in Georgia. My parents are in Wisconsin. And now I have people telling me to get on daycare waiting lists now. At five months pregnant, I have to think ahead to one day handing my 3-month-old baby over to strangers so I can go back to work. Ugh! I can’t even imagine it. Just one relative nearby would be good. We have friends with kids. Perhaps we can swing some sort of mobile daycare. I dread that part. Wish I could be a SAHM. Wish DH made a ton of money so I just watch my kids grow up.

We’re getting settled into our house. Not crazy about the location – further into the Valley — but the house is great. More room – a 3 bedroom – and a huge backyard. Fireplace. It seems like a good place to raise kids. Now, we just have to keep making money in order to pay for it…

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