Pain in the Hooha

25 weeks. She’s the size of an eggplant now.

Waiting on results of the gestational diabetes screening. If my numbers are bad, then I have to take the real test, which I guess involves them poking me with needles repeatedly for three hours. But then I’d know for sure if I had it. And I’d have to stop eating ice cream and potato chips, I suppose.

This week’s annonying pregnancy pain: “Pubic Symphysis Diastasis, where the hormone relaxin causes the pelvis, particularly at the pubic bone, to loosen. While pregnant women have been known to waddle, the relaxin and loosening of the pelvic ligaments is the reason behind the waddle. When there is too much laxity there can be instability and pain. You may notice this pain when walking, standing or trying to move your legs apart like stepping into pants or the bath tub.”

Man, the internet is awesome. Every time I feel something weird, Google has the answer. This is why I’ve been walking so funny. Why my legs don’t feel like they’re in the sockets the right way. Why I feel like I rode a bicycle all day yesterday. (You know that pain, right? When your vag feels all bruised and fucked up? Just me?)

It fucking hurts. I just tried to change my pants and couldn’t life my leg to do it. And trying to get out of the car today was painful. This could last until I give birth. But hopefully it’ll be brief like every other annoying preggo symptom I’ve had. I can give it 5 days before I lose my shit.

The only help could come in the form of a Prenatal Cradle — a crotch brace, basically. This better go away before I resort to buying this contraption. It’s bad enough my DH has to see me in anti-snore nasal strips. He’s still laughing…

Oh yeah, that's sexy!

My coworker (who had twins) said, “Man, you’ve had every pregnancy symptom.” I told her, “No, I just complain more than you do.” It’s true. If I feel something, I’m going to talk about it. If her vagina was hurting, she probably wouldn’t tell anyone. Me, I tell everyone. It’s how I cope. Aren’t you lucky???

2 thoughts on “Pain in the Hooha

  1. I was right there with you! I know it’s cliche and I was oh! so tired of hearing it–but it’s worth it! What happened with your gestational diabetes test? I (obviously) flunked–had insulin and all. But the best part was that I was encouraged to eat ice cream right before I went to bed!

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