Hello. I’m ducking in for a quick update because holy shit, it’s almost 2015, and I haven’t written anything since March.
2014 was a shittastic year that I look forward to slamming the door on: Lost a baby, couple car accidents, had to move, DH lost his job… etc. It wasn’t a fun one, to say the least. But we survived and are looking ahead to better times.
We’re at the point where we have to make a decision about our family. I just turned 42, and we haven’t gotten pregnant since we started trying again in April — 9 months ago. And I think it’s time I get out of denial and face the fact that we may have missed the window on this one. We both feel strongly about not risking a baby that isn’t healthy, so we don’t want to keep blindly trying when we can look at other options to complete our family, like adoption or fostering.
It’s hard though. I don’t feel too old. I know my age makes doctors shake their heads and use words like “geriatric pregnancy.” I know I only have a 5 percent chance of getting pregnant each month. I know that science says it’s probably not going to happen. But I’m having a hard time believing that. The first one was so easy at 38, and the second one at 41 … I just keep thinking that it could still happen. I really wish I had started reading about fertility as soon as C was born. I was very much NOT into having another so soon, but maybe if I had known how hard it may be later, I would’ve been inspired to try sooner.
Ah, well, shit happens. Eggs get old. Wonky eggs get fertilized and then you lose it later. My insides aren’t what they used to be. It’s time to deal with it and move on. Doesn’t mean C won’t get a sibling somehow, some day. And doesn’t mean we won’t be happy with our awesome one child and mounds of more money. I mean, I still have dreams of going to Italy.
In other news, our first born is still doing fantastic. She’s way ahead of other kids her age, and I’m not saying she’s a genius, but I did take a gifted child quiz the other day, and she had all the signs minus one or two. She’s the best, and I could sit here and write about all the ways she’s awesome, but I won’t. I’ll just put this here:
One of my never-ending resolutions is to write more. I’ve got so many posts in my head that I’d love to get out on paper: my love/hate relationship with our nanny, the grossest thing about raising a 2-year-old, the recent hilarious thing she did, doing it on my mother-in-law’s bathroom floor on Christmas Eve — you know, the really important good stuff. I’ll work on that in 2015. Happy New Year.