Confessions from the Mommy Trenches

We all know there is no such thing as a perfect parent, but thanks to the Internet, it can seem like every other mom has her shit together in an extraordinary way. Have you had it up to your eyeballs with those “perfect” moms? Have you reached your limit of Pinterest-perfect holiday family photos and blog posts on how to craft the perfect “ugly” Christmas sweater for little Emma, while making Santa treats for little Ashton’s class and capturing the baby’s footprint in glitter glory on an ornament for the tree? How about that working mom you know who has three perfect kids under 6 and time to make new blankets for kids in the foster care system, while teaching her children valuable lessons on giving?

Let’s call BS on perfect parenting, and open up about the ways in which we sometimes let it slide. Thanks to my awesome moms group — where there is always support and zero judgment — below are some confessions that we can all relate to. Let’s face it, we’re all guilty of phoning it in at some point!

Share your less-than-stellar parenting moment in the comments.

  • I fed my kids goldfish and chocolate milk for dinner last night. They also tried to sleep with me in bed, and I snuck out to the spare bed once they fell asleep. Sometimes cuddling isn’t right. — Tammy
  • We watched 3 full length movies yesterday because she’s sick with the flu, and we are exhausted. — Sydney
  • I’ve given my kid cookies for breakfast and no fucks at the same time. — Katie
  • We had movers come in to load the heavy stuff over the weekend, so I let my daughter sit in a closet on her beanbag chair, with a bowl of chips, a cup of milk, and the iPad so she would leave us alone. She thought it was like a movie theater and didn’t want to leave. — Michelle


  • For the past few nights, my kids have either had pizza or Top Ramen for dinner. We are selling our house, and I don’t feel like cooking and messing up my kitchen. — Theresa
  • My son has reached the stage of only eating mac and cheese. Every day last week — sometimes multiple times a day. This kills me since mom and dad are Paleo-loving, ranch-bought, grass-fed beef lovers. — Callie
  • When there is pie in our house, it is considered breakfast food by all. — Nora
  • During my first trimester this time around, my son became an iPad master. Whatever to not have him attacking me while I barfed my guts out. — Saban
  • On the weekends, I let my kids raise themselves like Lord of the Flies. We are here in the house, but they are independent. Meaning they decide when and what they eat, when they want to go to bed, and how much screen time they get. As long as they don’t make choices that are too foolish, we let it ride. They hate Mondays more than anyone. — Hannah


  • One time, I put my kid in timeout so I could clean the house without her destroying everything behind me. — Emily
  • When I’m too exhausted to play, I lay down in their bed and say, “Let’s play ‘family’. I’m the baby, and it’s nap time.” — Joanne
  • Sometimes I get tired of hovering, and so I just watch them fall down without lifting a finger. — Charlene
  • We’ve been letting him sleep in his own shit in the mornings for about a month now. Two extra hours of sleep?! Worth it. — Alicia
  • I was so stressed two weeks ago that I pumped an extra supply of milk, just so I could sneak out to the bar and do a nerd quiz and beer night. Didn’t even bother to tell my husband where I was going. He came home from work, I handed the crumb snatchers over, told him pizza will arrive in 15 minutes and bounced. — Linda
  • I send my kid to school practically every morning without breakfast. He doesn’t want to eat, and I don’t make him. Most important meal of the day, my ass. — Janet


  • I stayed in bed till 11, and I blamed it on the baby. “Oh, honey, I didn’t want to wake her by getting up.” — Nancy
  • When I need a break, at least once a day, I put on Frozen and walk away. — Rachel
  • Youtube videos are currently our life’s solution to everything. You don’t want to get in the car? Want to watch videos? Done. You don’t want to eat? Want to watch videos? Done. You are throwing a meltdown over nothing? Want to watch videos? Done. You get the point. — Francine
  • My 2-year-old ate ranch dressing for dinner once. And lately, she says “shit” every time she drops something. — Susan
  • I tell my kids that my dark chocolate-covered fruit and nut mix is spicy and bitter so that they will stop asking me for it. The next step is to dust a few pieces with cayenne and give it to them. — Kara


  • I tell my kids we are going to do something later, and then when we don’t do it, I make them think they misunderstood what I said earlier. — Tamara
  • Mine is almost 2 months old and just wants to be held all the time. So I hold her … while I watch seasons of Bones all day. So much for enriching her mind. — Montana
  • Currently, I’m letting him drool on my leg and smear it all over so I can have 5 minutes to dick around on Facebook. I’d like to think I’m training a tiny Picasso. — Charlene
  • Mine is sleeping in until IDGAF because dad has to put him down later. — Brooke
  • I once had sex with my husband… while breastfeeding our baby. — Laura


Thank goodness kids are resilient! Do you relate to some of these? Congratulations – you’re a REAL mom, and you’re still doing a great job!

Share your confessions in the comments.


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